What a Little Prick

Brett's BoardS at WavescapeFrom left, the 2009 Teardrop Gun, based on the orginal Gerry Lopez Lightning Bolt shape; the painted replica Shaun Tomson banana gun from 2005; the Bart ... er ... piece; and his 2011 work.

In 2006, for the Wavescape Surfboard Art Exhibition, Brett Murray painted one of our charity boards with one of his favourite western imperialist icons, Bart Simpson.

That was a great year for us. Artists such as Richard Scott, Conrad Botes and Cameron Platter decorated the beautiful replica 1970s Fish we had shaped. Each had a giant swallow tail and two laminated plywood keel fins. They were 5ft 9 inches long, 21 inches wide and almost 3 inches thick.

By the start of the exhibition, one of them had a dick 10 inches schlong. It was what you might call a well-hung work of Bart. Like a Stalanist labourer, the penis of Bart stood proud and tall, while he proclaimed I LOVE AFRICA!

It was a delightful way to invert the western colonialist conquest of Africa, or was it? Was this merely another horny scramble for Africa that would end sadly, with unanswered phone calls, snubs and silent tears?

Either way, our modest exhibition at the VEO Gallery in the Cape Quarter stood unmolested by paint-wielding lynch mobs. Bart's proud member of the Aryan race remained unperturbed, unscathed, perhaps even unrequited.

I forget who bought Brett's Bart board, but I hope he or she keeps one eye on it. Sorry.

You never know. Maybe an outraged American kid in a trench coat is on the way to take out his little prick. The Umkhonto in Umkhonto we Sizwe just became Mtondo  (Xhosa for dick).

But remember, in this land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.