Lost in translation

After posting a link of the original ‘Guide to being a surfer’s girlfriend’ up on my personal blog, I received a couple of encouraging comments from some fellow disgruntled surf widows and one rather incensed reader who clearly took offence to my satirical take on this sort of relationship, telling me I, “didn’t know the first thing about surfing,” and that I, “should just stick to baking cupcakes and knitting”. Where she got the idea that I was so domesticated, I don’t know.

Her opinion of my story didn’t get me growling, it actually got me thinking of how this column is perceived by those lacking a sense of humour or worse surfer chicks. Let’s get something straight. Surfer Chicks and Surf Widows are two completely different species.

Surf Widows aren’t surfers and we don’t pretend to be but due to the many years of selfless support for our other halves, we’ve gained a great respect and love for the ocean and the sport of surfing. As a women and surf widow I have an immense admiration, and from time to time, fear of professional female surfers, due to their awesome and intimidating board riding skills.

Surf Widows aren’t surfers and we don’t pretend to be but due to the many years of selfless support for our other halves, we’ve gained a great respect and love for the ocean and the sport of surfing. As a women and surf widow I have an immense admiration, and from time to time, fear of professional female surfers, due to their awesome and intimidating board riding skills.

How to tell the difference between a Surf Widow and a Surfer Chick

• When ASP announces that the world tour is on its way to Jeffrey’s Bay Surf Widows, despite not surfing themselves, save their hard earned bucks for ten days of accommodation just to be a part of the ‘gees’. Surfer Chicks ask their sponsors to hook them up with sweet digs … with like a view of Supertubes.
• When one’s boyfriend discovers that he rather enjoys surfing as opposed to bodyboarding, a Surf Widow encourages said boyfriend on his new found sport, whereas a Surfer Chick may say something along the lines of, “it’s about time you stood up.”
• Surf Widows take shopping for winter jackets quite seriously. “Will this jacket withstand Cape Town’s extreme weather conditions” and ‘how much food and toilet paper can be stored in the pockets of this jacket.” Surfer Chicks buy 5ml wetsuits and still look kak sexy with an extra inch around their thighs.
• At the RVCA Rolling Retro, Surfer Chicks actually enter the competition, Surf Widows stand on the beach and yell like banshees at their boyfriends who may or may not be ripping up the waves, just because they’re so proud their boyfriends didn’t nose dive. 
• Surf Widows have “beach themed’ weddings. Surfer Chicks get hitched on the beach. Because … sand.
• Surf Widows may write self-deprecating columns for online surf websites. Surfer Chicks land Saltwater Girl covers.
• When Surf Widows do surf, it’s usually with their boyfriends/husbands and the likelihood of them ever competing for waves is nil whereas Surfer Chicks are known to be competitive and will confidently claim your wave and make sure you know this by telling you, “you just got owned by a girl.”
• Surfer Chicks always look like Billabong models in wetsuits. Even if they’re not Billabong models. Surf Widows wetsuits are more often than not made for men and leave our lady parts looking a bit saggy.
• Surfer Chicks wax boards. Surf Widows know of at least seven different ways to remove wax from just about anything.

Hopefully these points clear up some grey areas for you and from now on you’ll be able to spot the difference when out at your local surf spot. I have yet to write about the undocumented subject of ‘Hybrids’; Surfer Chicks who date Surfers. More research to follow.