Froth Point

TUBE TUCK: Is it true that kneelos can squish into the tiniest of tubes. Cha bra. Photo Jurie Ewee

If passion and camaraderie among ous who kneel for their waves were traded on the Joburg Stock Exchange, you'd get what analysts call a "multi-bagger". Now a multibagger, my unlearned friends, is a stock that exceeds 100% of its value, or in many cases several times its value.

It is true that some are beginning to gray at the edges (not the stocks, the kneel ous). The immediate forecast for most of them is some swell around the midriff. The global forecasting system on Windy.com predicts, well just that, a bit more wind from one end, and more hot air from the other.

But the core skills, honed over decades of smashing lips - from Southbroom to Salt Rock, from Mdumbi to Muizenberg, from Kowie to Kamers - are still there. In fact, they've matured like a fine Klipdraft brandy in a papsak.

They even talk in an obtuse, strange manner, using superlatives from a bygone era. In fact, as you might hear whispered in a wind-blown lineup, kneelo talk belongs not to an era, but perhaps in another world altogether, perhaps a primordial place where primates were just starting to stand upright.

FROTHPIT: Lester Sweetman sets up a move, but we're not sure what exactly. Photo Louis Lotter

Veteran kneeboarder, kneelo historian and all-round pioneering guy Lawrence Atkinson had this riposte while the cooking branders of Magnatubes: "I was standing on the beach getting chased by the high tide holding a cellphone and broadcasting live on Facebook, the final of the South African Open Kneeboard Championships. The southwester was blowing from my right and the PA system broadcasting live heat scores and priorities on my left.

"Viewers from around the world were watching and commenting, their texts streaming down the left-hand on my screen while I tried to follow the action," he writes, capturing the cutting edge caper of these tech-savvy savants. As you can see, the excitement was building.

"The action was wild! Two metre and bigger! JBay was throwing its best at the competitors! While the high tide was destroying my blue suede shoes, the four competitors in the final were fighting with nature as much as each other."

Brutal ! Blue Suede Shoes ? Well you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes. Is that a surfing metaphor? Either way, don't ask your average woke oke. He won't understand the connection between surfing and Elvis Presley. Oh. Neither do I. Neither do the kneelos. Beside, "Strange exciting things were happening."

DERYCK EINBEIN: Yes. Deryck One Leg, and proud of it. He even got into the papers. Photo Ewee

Lets' leave the rest to Lawrence: "A lady (Linnie Ash) came second in the Immortals. Then she got a 10 pointer in the ladies' finals ... in 2 metre JBay! The heats were so bunched with guys surfing their age division and the Open, often surfing back-to-back heats. Big names fell. They had to. There is too much competition and talent in SA Kneelos for an orderly flow of heats. Challenging sizable J-bay will do that.

SHREK MEETS THE GOAT
(Mark Jago Photography)

"In the Open Division, local star Stevo van der Watt was smooth and fast. Just missing some wow. Tom grabbed the heat with heartAnton Wiersma started strong and had combinations across the point; perhaps getting underscored too. Gigs Cilliers had some huge turns, but disappointing flow and wave choice. Over-scored maybe and closer to winning than he thought. Amidst the spray, noise and the orange evening sky, Tom Gray shone. Short on ego, loaded with water skills, Tom grabbed the heat with heart.

"When he was chaired up the beach, Tom was speechless, the beach wasn't. Sporting wins shouldn't be discussed in the same breath as popularity. You are either the winner or not. You are either the best on the day or not. Tom was both the best on the day and won the spectator's hearts.

"The one award or reward the four open finalists already had was national colours to travel to the world titles in Portugal this year. There is also talk of the World Kneeboarding Championships coming to SA in 2024. Are SA Kneelos ready for the world? Hell yes!"

CROUCHING TIGER: Tom Gray surfed his way to the title of SA Champ. Photo Louis Lotter

Thanks Lawrence. This event, however, on a less cheeky note, was a scoop, says media mogul and communications vet Nicky the Kneelo Currie (veteran not veterinarian). The Kneelos SA Champs was held in the barrelling walls of Magna Tubes, which was quite a scoop.

And who can fault a bed at one of JBay's well known spots to stay? Everyone knows Seashells Luxury Apartments and Holiday Accommodation, where thousands of surfers have laid their heads, brains racing with reruns of them racing down fast, winding walls, maybe a little like the shadows flickering in Plato's cave.

And at the end of it all, the one and only Bobby “Bobcat” Russouw, handed out prizes and gifts in a comedy stand-up routine that had the audience in stitches, as though he was holding court in the palace prior to the French Revolution, or perhaps a lyric poet singing bawdy songs in Provençal in the 12th century.

Recipients (of the prizes, not bawdy songs from the 12th century) ranged from Howie Gold to Gigs Cilliers. The MC even had something for himself, but this was no nepotism, he earned it.

FIXING THE ROOF: Stevo the Kneelo from JBay was surfing with speed and flow. Photo Louis Lotter

Of course there was a Squid braai, but no Games. Perhaps the highlight of the prizegiving was a pictorial history of SA Kneeboarding over 40 years - photos pasted by lick and spittle on a boogie board and handed to the GOAT by the Troubadour himself.

Now, who could we possibly be talking about that fits this description: "Troubadour: French medieval lyric poet composing and singing in Provençal in the 11th to 13th centuries, especially on the theme of courtly love?"

The GOAT of course needs no clues as to his identity. It is, of course, mega mentor and multiple carpet bagger Gigs Cilliers, purveyor of stoke and man for all seasons.

Open Men
1- Tom Gray
2- Gigs Cilliers
3- Anton Wiersma

Other results
Ladies - Linda Ash
Cadets - Carl Wiersma and Keagan Wilsenach
Pro Junior - Matt Bentley
Seniors - Tom Gray
Masters - Anton Wiersma
Grand Masters - Stevo van der Watt
Kahunas - Stephen Cruickshank
Veterans - Roman Rezac
Legends - Paddy Laroque