Handbags at Dawn

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The trending topic #putBruceinChopes by @whoisJOB has been gaining momentum on Twitter for a few days now, with a torrent of support for JOB exploding across the Twittersphere.

The last idea JOB came up with has merits, but organisers will unlikely do it. He suggested today that they put Bruce in the final as the third surfer, but he does not take any points irrespective of the result, and the other two surfers get the points they would have anyway.

O'Brien has been ferociously lobbying Billabong and the Association of Surfing Professionals to put his close friend Bruce Irons into the event so that he may defend the title his brother Andy won here in 2010 (see video of final above), his last victory before he died in November. O'Brien wants the ASP to honour Andy's legacy, and feels that they have failed the Irons family by not changing the rules to allow Bruce to compete.

O'Brien's fierce contention - delivered in a no holds-barred torrent of invective - is that Bruce (already in Tahiti) is the undisputed master of backhand tube-riding, particularly when Teahupo'o gets solid, which it is expected to do this Thursday and Friday.

Round 1 went off in classic 4-6 foot waves, but after Bruce failed to come through the wild card rounds and was not part of any of the seeded replacements, a vitriolic, expletive-laden O'Brien emptied both barrels of his not insignificant arsenal:

"Chopes & Pipe. The only real REAL waves on ur "dream" tour @aspworldtour. the most Real barrel rider alive aint in it? #putBruceinChopes"

"Defending champ is dead. his brother: -Bruce- is in Tahiti. @billabongpro r u morons? Put him in ur event! #Respect"

"Corporate failing and flailing wud b funny if werent so sad. Billabong goin the way of the dinasour."

JOB suggested that Irons should be the replacement for Bobby Martinez: "Bobs out. #putBruceinChopes @billabongpro @aspworldtour show respect and just a little honor"

However, according to ASP rules, South African Travis Logie would replace Martinez (rumoured to have quit the tour). Logie, who was the second replacement (someone must have turned down the first option), immediately got on a plane in Europe for a marathon flight. He won his first heat 10 hours after stepping board-less off a gruelling around-the-world plane ride in which he apparently slept three hours in 48.

South Africans believe that the plucky Logie, who is often hailed for his never-say-die spirit, deserves this lucky chance to get back on the tour, particularly now the ASP has made entry to the CT so riduculously convoluted, complex, and basically impossible unless you pretty much win everything on the QS.

Logie is in the twilight of his career, and at number 44, this is a crucial break for him to crack the top 32 again.

Another of surfing's agent provocateurs, one Blasphemy Rottmouth (@RottMouth), yesterday backed O'Brien in a blog post that railed against the ASP, Billabong and "Bullybong" executives Graham Stapleberg and Paul Naude (both South Africans) for alleged "disrespect of a legacy that helped build their shadowy empire one death defying wave at a time".

@RottMouth goes on to say in comments at the end of his article: "I believe Travis Logie would have made himself a legendary hero yesterday if he sat back and gave his place to Bruce. Logie is a good surfer, a nice guy, and deserved his place there based on rules. But twenty years from now, Logie will not be mentioned in many historical books documenting surfing. This was a monumental chance for him … or someone else, to make a giant statement in the face of the Corpo failure."

Via several Tweets, South African surf scribe and former editor of Zigzag Craig Jarvis (@red_elvis) reaffirmed his conviction that Logie, a goofyfoot who surfs well at Chopes, deserved his position and should be allowed to surf in the event. Jarvi called on South Africans to support Logie's presence in the event, saying that Saffas retweeting the trending topic to #putBruceinChopes were unwittingly making it tough for Logie as the guy everyone thinks should step down for Bruce.

From a South African perspective, however, Logie's win vindicated Jarvi's viewpoint emphatically. Logie goes straight through to Round 3, giving him a rest to shake off the jetlag during Round 2.

To his credit, O'Brien conceded: "@red_elvis nobody is sayin Trav give up his spot. He is there now. If he wants 2 thats on him. NOBODY said it. or asked it."

The inference from JOB and @RottMouth has been that Logie should do the honourable thing and give it up for Bruce:

"Trav flies 20hrs+ pack/drive time and jet lagged. Gets 2 a good swell without good rest. @ a dangerous wave. @aspworldtour #putBruceinChopes"

One 'Steve Mailman' came to Logie's rescue, reminding @RottMouth that Bruce Irons is "a multi-millionaire who can and does surf Chopes, Fiji, Hawaii and many other of the best waves in the world whenever he wants".

"Travis Logie on the other hand, has devoted his life to being a professional contest surfer. He will be sponsored by Quiksilver South Africa for a couple thousand rand for the rest of his life, but he will never be close to living the dream that Bruce does. It’s not his damn problem if Bruce is in the event or not. He just flew halfway around the world (without boards) to surf in the event in the hopes of gaining some precious points to requalify to surf in World Tour events again, even if only for a few precious months."

It would have been a "legendary" act for ANY of the surfers in the event to give up their spot for Bruce, he said.

Writing on Surfline.com here, Nick Carrol gave the official reasons why Bruce won't be competing in the event this year, boiling down to rules that goven the ASP which allows for two geniune wildcards that are decided through trials (Bruce surfed, but didn't win a spot), as well as the replacement rule which states that the withdrawals by Dane Reynolds and Bobby Martinez "must be drawn from the next available surfers on current rankings - in this case, Cory Lopez and Travis Logie."

Meanwhile, as a 12 foot groundswell approached the scariest wave on the planet, O'Brien - perhaps infused with wings from a can of his own - continued his relentless corporate-bashing crusade against the "donkeys" and "morons" that have perpetuated in his eyes an evil and unforgivable injustice.

A humorous aside occurred during his ticker-taping Twitter tirade when someone reminded him about his sponsor, to which he replied

"Red Bull is run by 1 Austrian man. it is not a public corporation. It is brilliance in a can. Chug Red Bull. Not corpo pee pee yoghurt."

The lost opportunity for Bruce to compete in the Billabong Pro Tahiti appears to have given Jamie O'Brien the gap he needs to vent his fury of what he really thinks about the organisers of the World Tour and the changes they have wrought to their scructure and rules.

He breaks out of his thinly veiled smokescreen about Bruce to push his beef with the ASP. Thing is, more than a few surfers agree with him. Many say that the ASP have indeed introduced a selfish system that threatens to turn the World Tour into protected employment for a boy's club of 32 professional surfers - a glitzy fortress for the elite impregnable by the journeymen of the qualifying events who now find it impossible to progress.

@aspworldtour oh. yeah. u also made a new ranking system no1 understands. and cant be explained. #putBruceinChopes 4 Andy

@aspworldtour and u dont do anything except write a new rule book each yr and slowly kill the dream tour. #putBruceinChopes 4 Andy.

Burn the fucken ASP rule book and #putBruceinChopes @aspworldtour and @billabongpro make new rules. with Bruce in the event.

@aspworldtour and @billabongpro most times most ppl disagree with me. U C any1 disagree bout #putBruceinChopes ? Any1!? No Donkeys. only U!

His crusading comrade in arms @Rottmouth joins the fray with his article (read the comments after it for a sordid glimpse into the black heart of surfing), which upped the ante from the first line of his story: "Dear Surf Media: Where The Fuck Are You? Grow Some Bruce-Sized Balls!"

He goes on to say: "Andy’s brother can’t defend his title at Teahupoo. The brand that Andy built was nowhere to be found in Dallas Texas. And they are nowhere to be found in Tahiti while Andy’s brother bobs in the channel with an armful of Hinanos (Tahitian beer) and a quiver full of vitriol. And the media? Silent as the shriveled nuts of the church mice they are."

Talking about the big swell forecast for this weekend, he goes on to say: "Big surf looms on the horizon. Big, thick, Bruce Irons’ sized surf. Like a coiled corn snake about to embrace a rat."

Towards the end of his tome, @Rottmouch cuts to the chase: "I will do the best I can to lead the ASP and Bullybong out of a dream world and back to hard reality. The ASP can grant wildcards. They are not just bound by the corporation running the event. They can grant wildcards to surfers outside Bullybong. Bruce is a Volcom rider. But more importantly, Bruce is Andy’s brother. And a Teahupoo master."

"This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly because the ASP’s grunts’ thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be."

"Think of Bruce, sitting in the channel as the first of the ten footers unfurls onto the reef that Andy built for the ASP. Think of Bruce as you watch the dregs of the top 32 pull back on death bombs. The subsequent earthquake you feel, will be “you know who,” tossing to and fro in his grave."

Gnarly bru.