GIDEON'S PEARLY WHITE LIGHT TRIP FANTASTIC

"At the end of the day, it's about riding the barrel. You see this pearly white light,
a bit like one would imagine the pearly gates of heaven ..."

Part 6.  The lowlife, enema-loving Eastern Cape dribbling, scribbling, infantile, scumbag scribe (that's me, Lippe von Onderbroek) brings you the latest, sizzling, slinky interview with Explorer skipper, 34-year-old Gideon "Golla" Malherbe.

While Wavescape is totally stoked to have whacky, literate contributors like the talented Lippe,
we take no responsibility for the content of their gonzo ravings!

GRAHAMSTOWN - Herds of surfers have clicked on to the Indies Explorer homepage via the wavescape.co.za link and read about her rave adventures through the Mentawai Islands under the captaincy of a man-with-a-mission.

Many things have been said about him: he was destined to become a conveyancing attorney (yawn) but went on to become a hellman surfer in Muslim territory (Yeah!).

But what do we he really know about him? What's his pluck ek se? We seek him here we seek him there ...

A passenger on his most recent charter (who preferred to remain anonymous in case he was forced to relive his shameful attempts at barrel-rarding and be held accountable for his shocking purple prose) sneaked an interview.

WE AIM TO SWERVE: At full tilt, the Indies Explorer drops her butt into the Indian ocean and makes a flamboyant, sweeping, bottom turn-an exuberant farewell bow to the Mentawai islands after finally running a year of 12 highly successful charters.

Yes, I saw the skipper's uniformed (bikini-clad) wife Chantal console him when he heard on the wartel (sattelite phone) at a tiny port town of Pagai Selatan that their final charter this year - the 13th - had been cancelled by the American guests from New York. Gosh.

It was an endearing, private, decisive moment-you know, all mmme mmme mmme - but it gave me a glimpse behind his visor-like surf shades of a softer, vulnerable side. Sort of what my esoteric beloved calls he-motional intelligence. Nah.

OKE-O-METER: Out in the surf and on the boat it is mostly no-bullshit business as usual. He comes across as sociable, witty, at times politely "take-six-panados-and-get-out-of-my face", but always focused on the job- ensuring the safety of the passengers and the boat, making sure the punters are reduced to wobbly globs of pleasure.

With Hollow Trees (HTs) disappearing over the horizon, and the Explorer's sensual bowsprit focused on Padang on the Sumatra mainland-and beyond to the rainy season/Christmas holiday (depending on your cultural sunnies), the ou captain was in reflective commode in his wheelhouse.

Ya, even to the point of waxing lyrical about the barrel just like you'd skieet the pearly gates checked-all crystal white ...

CRYSTAL SHIP: The boat, Gideon, tell us about your boat.
"She was designed and built from the keel up for surf exploration by myself and Gus Gawith, who is the engine man and a professional ships' engineer. She is a 34m traditional Indonesian pinisi replica-the pinisis are the only remaining sailing cargo fleet in the world. Innovations included putting in an extra-large sized fuel 30 000l diesel fuel tank meaning she can go from Padang to SA and back without filling up. We also put in a large water tank. Plus she comes packed with funky navigational gadgets-GPS, radar, sonar, CD, DVD ...

He travelled in Indo for about nine months in 1996 where the idea of building a boat was fermented. Money was raised and the boat built on Sulawesi in 1998 with their first trips and survival "charters" run in 1999. Now, four experience-laden "balls-to-the-wall, entrepreneurial" years later, he says she is just starting to repay some of the cash that has been sunk into her.

Relations with partners, a nuclear zone in any business, are also on a good footing, I learned on the boat. He says: "It has been a long, hard road, one of the harshest assignments," but the rewards of seeing happy customers makes it worth it.

"I have had a whole year of charting and have only had super-stoked surfers on board-okes who sit at the back muttering incoherently, so stoked that we have to give them water so that they don't dehydrate." It's there to be seen on video-a beaming Sean Holmes proudly showing off his wounds, and in a final flourish, pointing to his missing front tooth!

YOUR'E ALL SO F... WONDERFUL: It's a standout feature of his work, all you "amazing people I have met. I've met such awesome okes that I can't wait to get home. I'm quite a social guy and I like talking to okes over a beer." (The rest of you, start saving.) An unusual aspect, but one which mentors understand, is that he gets quite attached to his guests.

"I miss the okes when they get off." He also understands that they are amped just to be there on their dream trip, and back home may be different people, struggling with the daily drudge. Sad bastards.

BEER AND SPEAR GUNS: It is clear that Gideon, Chantal and the rest of the ship need a break. Only days after our group had disembarked on Monday, 8 October, he and Chantal were back in Cape Town to rest, take life easy, hold an end-of-year Explorer party (November 17, Cape Town, all aboard!) and hike from Cape Agulhas back to Hermanus humping mainly beer and spear guns.

"In three years she has done about 30 charters. I'd guess that she has taken about 70 South Africans and 40 people from other countries around the islands this year."

TWIST HIS ARM: With the rand-dollar exchange going into orbit, Gideon feels they will have to tap into the dollar market a bit more, but the American war against Muslim extremist terrorism has left a gap for South African hopefuls.

(Now is the time to twist his arm, dudes.) He knows that at $120 dollars a day, she is outrageously expensive for Surfricans, (over R1000 a day by now, hence R12,000 for 12 days, airfare from Port Elizabeth R7 000, plus R2 000 spending money, gifts, new board = total cost of trip total R21 000-odd). However, he says that is what it costs to run an operation like theirs and its worth saving for.

BEST-VALUE DREAMS: "I think she offers by far the best value for a charter out here. She is the biggest boat, few other boats offer your own, two-person cabins. And you can forget about air conditioning-our here it is space equals luxury and with her roomy foredeck, aftdeck, galley and chill-out room/library she has plenty of it." "Over 14 days people need to get away to a private space.

You can also imagine just what it's like with 14 guys living in one dormitory with all their stuff lying around." "The key to the Mentawais is that the skipper must surf and know the spots-out of 25 surf charters operating in this area, I estimate that only five or six skippers match this profile and are really serious about surfing."

"The boats need all the navigation and safety equipment which enable one to cruise at night so that daytime is reserved for surfing.

"Boats need a long-range fuel capacity so that you don't waste any of the days on charter filling up. Having a husband-and-wife team running the operation puts us on another level. We are able to give the ship more of a homely feel, much like being on board a floating B&B." Amazingly, all 13 of her charters this year were the result of Gideon and Chantal's word-of-mouth marketing, Wavescape readers checking out the Indies section on the website and the work of partners.

They rely heavily on e-mail available in Padang during turn-around times. This, and pure stoke from "guests", is how they recruit in Australia, Europe and elsewhere. With stoked world pros and international surf journos returning home with hectic stories about the Mentawais, he is expecting more international surfers to show next year.

PRAAT KAK! He assesses our charter with typical, grunting honesty: "You guys had the kakkest weather ever." We didn't notice. In 12 days we were taken to 10 different spots where we surfed ourselves dik (see long hyper-reality diarised diatribe on this page). He ticks off our surf statistics: "Waves ranged from two foot to 10 foot, but mostly overhead. Lances was six-foot plus, HTs (Hollow Trees) six foot ...

SUPER SUPERS: He says Indo waves are very different to ours. "They combine the intensity of a coral reef with the length of a point break. Some of the waves are faster than Supers."

BALS 'N BRATS: He rates the average age of his surfer guests as rarely less than 25 years old, but mostly around 34. However, he says some younger surfers, like Jamie O'Brien and Warrick (Wok) Wright have been onboard "and boy did they go beserk. Warrick got totally into driving the boat".

It's another playful aspect to his ship which he offers his guests- although he now has four very competent-looking Indonesians crewing. He says guests are invited to get as much of a hands-on feel as is safely possible. "Here, you can even give guys the engine oil to make an oil change." Go wild ouens, but don't wake me, hey.

However, he admits that having laaitjies throwing food around on his aft deck raised his blood pressure and at once stage Chantal had to confine him to his cabin while she went to establish law and order.
Gideon suggests that surfer groups-especially younger travel-hungry bands-should be creative in getting on board, and sponsorships are one sure-fire way of doing it. He says surf photographer John Callahan is a pro at doing this. He says the older guests are more "responsible" and laid back. Like the man says.

'CREW YOU: It's now legend how on one of their first crews the hired-hands had abandoned ship moments before the guests arrived-and were told that they were crewing too! Luckily, many were friends and had come on the understanding that this was to be an exploratory trip-apparently they had the jol of a lifetime sailing her.

PIRATE SHIP: He acknowledges that other surfers are filled with dread when Indies Explorer pulls up.

They know she has a dozen amped-up surfers in her holds, but Gideon says: "We are trying to cap the number of surfers on board at 10 each paying $120 a day. He says surfing with his guests is the "good part" of his job -- "I do this job 99 percent of the time because I can surf." He did more charters this year than ever -- 12 in the two-week long range, and says: "I have surfed more waves and scored more barrels this year than most pro surfers. That is why I fully appreciate this job. I count myself as being fully lucky to do it. I count my blessings." "This is by far the best year I have had since we built the boat."

GRUMP AND GRIND: The downers are "bad crossings", especially between the 'tawais and the Sumatra mainland. He also has a hatred for "bad anchorages". When the boat is your home for nine months at a stretch, one wants a good night's kip, and he admits to occasionally getting the moer-in, leaping up and moving the ship to calmer waters. Asked about the difficulties of operating in such remote territory, he says: "It is a full-on frontier situation."

It's difficult trying to know which officials to deal with, and its hard getting repairs-"I've chartered in the Bahamas, if there is a problem with the engine, you just call up the mechanic, tell him there's a problem and go out diving. By the time you get back the bill will be left lying on the table and the problem will be fixed. Not so out here."

EVERYONE DOES IT DUNCAN - BUT IT'S BETTER WITH SOMEONE ELSE: We rapped about a recent Zig Zag piece by Duncan Scott in which he wrote that the Mentawais were "dead" and over-crowded by "cashed-up" ballie surfers. Ironically, Scott had written his piece after a full-on rip trip on the Explorer.

It's not that Gideon objects to Duncan's freestyle expression, nor most of the story content, but to write off the Mentawais in such a cavalier fashion is a marketing threat to the operation. The Mentawais are the Explorer's bread-and-butter trade route. His response to Duncan is kindly, but blunt, "Duncan never went to the Mentawais." He says Scott's expedition took them north and that Duncan's comments about the Mentawais were a "thumbsuck".

"On that trip we were trying to explore new areas and Duncan wanted to find new spots and waves." Sies! Lies Duncan?

[Lippe, Stay with the interview. We are not interested in your sleazy, petty, tabloid wars -Spike.]

Commenting on Duncan writing about how soldiers confiscated his porn mag, Gideon said: "We have no porn mags on board. People bring their own."

"CROWDS": However, Duncan touched on one aspect; the islands do have crowds, says Gideon, although in our experience they were different, very laid back, a bit like surfing Kowie, and not at all cut-throat like the mob at J-Bay.

However, the Explorer is one of the hottest surf seekers in the business and on our charter we surfed eight spots on our own and two spots with other boats ("Pussies" and Lance's Lefts). It's was a standing joke that one particular boat was sure to appear soon after our arrival at a spot.

Gideon says: "Yes, it (Mentawais) is crowded, but the guys always seem to get enough waves. "Most South Africans are so stoked to be here and meet a few other surfers. It makes the whole thing. I have met a bunch of legends here. They have come to my boat. South Africans really dig it."

SNAKE AND THE PISS-CAT: I heard from the crew about how at one huge and heavy session, while his wife and crew fretted about him being caught inside in a gargantuan eight-wave set, a grinning Gideon's first words afterwards were: "Did you see Gerry Lopez snake me!"

Recent visitors have been the Irons brothers, poetic surf journo and Surfer editor Sam George, (who loved the boat and its journey, describing it as "romantic" in a recent edition), CJ Hobgood, Occy - who had his 35th birthday party on board and fell pissed as a coot into the sea while trying to get back to his boat (you heard it first right here). The names just roll off ...

HOW TO SURF INDO, LIPPE STYLE! So. Tell us about your famous Indo surf rules? "The rules are go out there and charge as hard as you ever did, break your boards, destroy your body. Go balls to the wall, throw your body over the edge..."

PIG-DOG TO JUST DOG: Most guests rush home thinking they are going to shred their homebreaks but find themselves riding like a dog. He thinks this is because the waves of Indo are more "open" and the wave does more of the work.

"At home you have to do a whole manoeuvre in a smaller space. At home I am useless. There's not the same power. Waves here give you all the power you need. At home you have to really get going on a wave.."

BARREL OF RED WINE: He lets slip the deep secret to surfing the Mentawais. "It lies in barrel riding. It's like a bottle of red wine. It matures with age. I had had more barrels here this year than ever before. Obviously, being here is about the fulfillment of a dream and this and that ... but at the end of the day its about riding the barrel.

It's like Shaun Tomson says 'Time stands still in the barrel' so the more you ride the younger you become!" "It is a bit of a dual reality, you see this pearly white light, a bit like one would imagine the pearly gates of heaven ..."